Survey Says!

In a recent survey, men were asked "On a scale from one to ten, with one being 'none' and ten being 'all of them,' how many women are psycho?" The average response was 22.67.

Seriously. Total truthiness there. I am not making this up.

Ocean City Without the Ocean?

You should watch this. Really, you should.



Let me know if you want to go; we'll carpool.

VP Candidates

With the Democrats having a presumptive nominee (the liberal Barack Hussein Obama) finally, now everybody wants to talk about who the nominees will select as their running mates. Being part of everybody, I had to throw in my two cents.

On the Democrat side, many are saying Obama should select Hillary Clinton to create a "dream ticket." I disagree. Obama and Clinton just spent the past year telling everybody how lousy the other one is--you can't just sweep that under the rug. I see the point, though--18 million people voted for Hillary, and Obama needs those votes. Might I suggest Voldemort? It's the exact same demographic, but Voldemort comes with more powers, and plenty of those totally awesome horcruxes to boot.

If I were Obama, I would give certain weight to my own safety. In light of that, I might nominate someone like Al Sharpton--that way everybody knows "if anything happens to me, it's only going to get worse for you." I mean, even Hillary used the word "assassinated" recently, so that's good insight into the mind of racist hicks everywhere.

Finally, a more sensible consideration might be to appease the concerns of aforementioned hicks by nominating a white guy. This would send the message of "Yeah, I'm for change, but nothing crazy." Al Franken, anyone?

On the Republican side, McCain has lots of options. He could secure the Mormon vote with Romney. He could secure the religious right with Huckabee. He could secure the young and all people lacking superior wizarding skills with Voldemort. McCain could secure defeat with Jeb Bush. (That's his brother's fault--Jeb's not so bad.)

If I were McCain, I would go with a governor: Bobby Jindal (Louisiana) or Sarah Palin (Alaska). You can't let the Democrats have a monopoly on diversity, or you're only going to get the elderly, John!

Yes, I know some of the links aren't quite right. It's funny.

Sam Cassell is the Worst

Well, any student of basketball with half a brain can tell you that Michael Jordan remains the best basketball player we've ever seen. Kobe Bryant gets a lot of attention, and he's a remarkable scorer, but Jordan was the superior player hands down, due to his consistent and ferocious defense.

Here's the one nobody ever talks about. Who is the worst player we've ever seen? From watching tonight's game, I'm going to say Sam Cassell. Three plays confirmed this conclusion in my mind:

1. Sam Cassell takes the ball down the court and takes a contested, guarded, long-ball shot that misses badly, ignoring all of his superior teammates, including Kevin Garnett, who was waiting patiently at the block to run a real offense. We could almost forgive this if he made it.
   
2. Sam Cassell on defense tries to go around the back side of a bad pick, even though there was plenty of room for him to go between his man and the pick. Of course, his man makes the easy wide-open shot.
3. Sam Cassell, after having just taken a poorly chosen shot (see #1 above) with about 20 seconds left on the shot clock, decides to make a pass as the shot clock expires. DUDE. When the clock is expiring, any shot will do, and since you're clearly a big fan of taking stupid selfish shots, Just Do It. Nike.

Good gravy.