John McCain Reads This Blog

Well, it's official. John McCain followed my advice and selected Sarah Palin as his vice presidential running mate. Please note that I recommended this pick nearly three months ago.

Some thoughts:

1. Of the four candidates running, I like one of them.
2. If elected, Sarah Palin would be the hottest vice president in U.S. history. Sorry, Dan Quayle.
3. I'm confused. Barack Hussein Obama keeps saying he's the candidate of change, but he selected someone who has been part of the Washington establishment since 1972. (That's before yours truly was even born!) McCain, meanwhile, chose someone who is as much of a Washington outsider as anyone could possibly be. So, it looks to me like McCain is the candidate of change.
4. If the McCain-Palin ticket is elected, it will pave the way for Palin to become the first female U.S. President in history. She would be the hottest President in U.S. history. (Sorry, John Kennedy.)
5. I want a female VP. Why? Because I love women.

Good day.

McCain's Running Mate

Well, today is the big day. John McCain is supposed to unveil his running mate today at noon eastern. The media has been focusing on Mitt Romney and Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty. I think both are sad choices. But this morning, a breath of fresh air from Fox News with this tidbit:

FOX News reports Mitt Romney not McCain's VP pick; Minnesota Gov. Pawlenty indicates he's out; speculation centers on Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin

Of course, that was on the front page; when I clicked on the link to read the article, there is nothing about Palin.

I fully expect McCain to choose McAble. I don't know who that is, but it sounds like the bone-headed kind of thing that I have come to expect. I won't be happy unless it is Sarah Palin or Bobby Jindal. Of course, I cannot remember any candidate ever selecting a running mate that I agree with.

Stay tuned.

Materialism

As some of you know, I've decided to give up materialism.

Well, sorta. It's not like I've taken a vow of poverty or anything like that; I'm mostly just tired of the clutter and "the game." (Tangent: What you may call "keeping up with the Joneses" is what I call "the game." I was pretty good at "the game" at one point, but I still found it utterly and completely meaningless.)

Today I had an experience that highlighted exactly why I need to give up materialism. Long story short, some guy ran me off the road while driving down the highway. Basically, I had the choice between getting broadsided (on the side Bree sits on, no less) or the ditch; I took the ditch. I have ice in my veins in these types of situations; I don't freak out at all--I just do what I need to do. In this case, I went off the road, navigated some ditch and returned to the road when it was safe to do so. But here's where the problem of materialism set in: once all the fun was over is when the stress kicked in. Of course, I knew Bree and I were completely unharmed, but I was worried about the Cruiser. Obviously, the thing isn't made for off-roading. So, instead of simply being grateful that everybody lived and all that good stuff, I'm worrying about the car until I got home and checked it out--like it even matters. That's what insurance is for, right?

I fully intend to keep my car; everybody needs a car (at least here we do), and my car fits in with my car-buying strategy (the subject of another blog sometime), so it makes no sense to me to get rid of it. But, I really need to remember that stuff doesn't matter.

By the way, the car is completely fine, as far as I can tell.

Obama Biden Laden

Well, it's official.

The liberal Barack Hussein Obama, the donkey party's candidate with the elephant ears, has named Joe Biden as his running mate. (Fox News article, if you must.) I can't believe he's dumb enough to choose a guy named Biden.

Obama Biden Laden. There. I said it.

I'm not sure this is a real news stories anymore; everybody has been saying for at least a week now that it was going to be Biden.

Everybody knew it had to be a white guy. There. I said it.

So, the candidate who is running on change is partnering with the very definition of "Washington elite." The candidate who was supposed to be something different is running with the guy who is the exact embodiment of every liberal Washington Democrat in the establishment.

Change you can believe in. Just like you can believe in Santa Claus. There. I said it.

A Day in the Life: Part II

Also: Part I | Part III

While I maintain that it was cool today well into the afternoon, it was still warm enough to lower the top. Praise God for small favors.

Any job where you can work five hour days is fabulous. It may or may not not pay so hot, but it's fabulous.

Dear God,
Please don't let me get old. Well, I'm not against being old--I'm just against being that old. You know, the shaking- and the quivering voice-old. Please God, not that. I'm okay with losing my mobility. I'm okay with joint replacement surgeries (though not preferred). I am totally fine with undiagnosed cancers of all kinds. But, please dear God, don't make me shake!
Your child,
mike

Today, Tumbleweed restaurant is owned by a company out of San Diego, California. A few days ago they were owned by Diamondback Management in Wassau, Wisconsin. Diamondback went bankrupt, apparently. Don't ask me why this interests me; I guess I'm easily entertained.

Why is it that the more gas prices go up the more people give away $25 gas cards? I can't even fill up with $25. What a stupid promotion.

So, I'm a church hopper. I admit it. I plan on going to a new church this Sunday, even though I love my current church and have absolutely no complaints. As always, I am going to insist that I don't plan on changing churches again in the future. (If I do, I'll probably go back to where I am!) Also, I have a friend who is planning on visiting the old church this Sunday. Hrm. Good planning, Mike.

Dominoes wants you to know that they make terrific pizzas. But, if you disagree they also make sandwiches. I'm not sure Dominoes makes terrific pizzas--I honestly don't know. But, let's assume for the sake of discussion that they do. What's next? Jimmy John's pizza?

I despise it when people end a sentence with an inflection, as if it is a question. For example, "I despise it when people end a sentence with an inflection, as if it is a question?" SO annoying. How can people stand themselves?

Why doesn't anybody do promotions for $3 at McDonald's? Oh, because you can't even eat a meal at McDonald's for $3.

Olympic athletes should be required to wear more covering clothing. Some of those people are just disgusting.

Speaking of Olympic athletes, there's a guy from China named Zhou, pronounced "Joe." That's totally cool. I'm gonna name something Zhou.

Jimmy John's pizza? That's brilliant.

Also: Part I | Part III

Master of Self-Delusion

Mark Spitz, formerly known as the greatest swimmer of all time, has been reduced to the mere master of self-delusion.

In a Fox News article, Mr. Spitz (which just sounds gross) has been quoted as saying that if both swimmers were in their prime he would be able to keep pace with Michael Phelps.

Is that so?

If in your prime, Mr. Spitz, you were able to swim as fast as Michael Phelps, why is it that he has broken your world records? Why has he been able to get more gold medals than you could? Here's a clue: he is way better than you.

Enjoy your self-delusion, Mr. Spitz. No one is buying it, but if you like it, so be it.

P.S. Michael Phelps is spelled as you see it spelled in this blog. "Micheal Phelps" is incorrect and completely retarded. Nobody--and I mean nobody spells their name "Micheal."

P.P.S. I hope I never hear the name "Mark Spitz" again.

P.P.P.S. Did I mention that the name "Mark Spitz" just sounds gross?

The Jack Sparrow Philosophy

This is one of those timeless pieces that I write not because it has any particular relevance at the moment, but rather because I find myself saying this over and over again and I am quite tired of it. I would far prefer to have a link to refer people to so that I never have to say it again.

I often tell people that I have adopted "The Jack Sparrow Philosophy." This philosophy comes from the movie Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Near the end, after concluding his epic battle with Captain Barbosa, Jack leaves the cave where they have all been fighting with Elizabeth and Will, and when they get to a place where they can see, the Black Pearl is gone. Jack's crew has left without him.

Elizabeth says, "I'm sorry, Jack."

Jack replies with a bit of profound wisdom which I have termed "The Jack Sparrow Philosophy": "They done what's right by them. Can't expect more than that."

How to Pronounce Beijing

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,404940,00.html

How do you not know how to pronounce Beijing? According to the article, Brian Williams pronounces Beijing correctly--"Bay-jing." Seems obvious enough to me. But, according to the article, other morons including Bob Costas (who I normally like) and Meredith Vieira (who I have never liked) have been pronouncing it "Bay-zhing." Where do these morons get a Z from?

I guess you can invest a lot of energy into making yourself look incredibly stupid if you really try.

Missing Life

Well, this makes me very sad.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,401068,00.html

The famous "Wall Arch" in Arches National Park fell. I never saw it in real life. It is pretty much how everything goes; live life while you still can. For those of us who never saw that thing, we never will. That blows.

I guess it's time I quit my job and start living. First stop: Big Bone Lick State Park.