Questions...

So, I haven't blogged in a while. It turns out that I haven't had much to say. Mostly, I've had a lot of questions.


Don't you realize that you smell?

I'm constantly amazed by how bad people smell, and I can't help but wonder if there's any possibility that they don't notice it. Seriously.

Smokers, you smell like an ashtray--didn't you notice?

There's the "old person smell," too. That one I'm a little more forgiving about simply because I don't know what it is, and since I don't know why they smell that way, I'm not too sure that it's their fault.

Then you've got the people who haven't brushed their teeth since breakfast, even though they had onions and sauerkraut at lunch. So disgusting. Buy some Mentos or something.


What was it like to be in Jesus' family?

Can you imagine the family dinner table? You've got Joseph at the head of the table, Mary at the foot, Jesus on one side and James and Jude on the other side. James and Jude are being brothers and Mary says, "James! Jude! Why can't be more like your brother Jesus, the son of God?" Good gravy.

What about Joseph? He's been entrusted to raise the savior of the world, but what can he possibly do? Every time I said something to him, I'd expect him to say, "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my real dad!" and fear him saying, "I brought you into this world--I'll take you out of it!" Wrap your brain around that one.

Now that I think about it, Mary had the same problem. Sure, she could use that same "I brought you into this world--I'll take you out of it!" line, but what's to stop Jesus from saying, "Right back at you" or, even better, "Try it."

It couldn't have been all bad, though. I mean, you pack the kid a few loaves and a couple fish for lunch and he comes home from school with twelve baskets full. Pack the kid a lunch for kindergarten and he's still eating the leftovers when he graduates from high school. Never mind the side business selling bits of fish and broken pieces of bread. The kid fed the whole neighborhood.

Imagine the smile that must have come across Mary and Joseph's faces when they got an invitation to a "bring-your-own-booze" party. They show up empty handed, "Can I borrow a jug of water for a minute?"

It has been questioned if Jesus did these types of miracles before he began his ministry at the age of thirty. I figure he must have. His first recorded miracle in the Bible is turning water into wine. The party runs out of wine, and they say to Mary, "We're out of wine!" and she says, essentially, "Go talk to Jesus. He'll hook you up." Why would they go to Mary of all people? And, why would Mary expect Jesus to fix this? Clearly there was a pattern.


What if I don't die young?

There are a lot of things that I like about my life right now. At some point, though, most of that stuff is going to go away. I've kind of always figured I'd die young (I'm not sure why), but what if I don't?

And, when I say, "I can't wait until I get old and become a burden to my children" that's a lie.


Did she just say that?

"Do you smell liquor?" That was her question, about the police officer who had pulled us over. What, the guy has to be drunk if he pulls us over? That was funny enough, but the follow-up was the one that makes me laugh: "I'm not brave enough to make a citizen's arrest or anything." Priceless.


What am I supposed to do without football?

How long until football season starts back up? Maybe I can find my way to the Bears' preseason training camp this summer--but even that is a long time from now. And once the weather warms up a little bit--just a little bit--I won't miss it so much. But these cold February football-less weekends are retarded.


That's enough for the moment.