Going Full Nerd

Alright, I'm going full nerd. I've joined twitter. I am not spectacularly impressed by the concept of the thing, but I figured out that using one of their gadgets I can keep my main page easily updated with all of my blog posts!

Nerd up and follow me on twitter. It'll make you feel warm all over.

Beloit

Okay, so I have missed half a bajillion opportunities to blog lately, but I wanted to get one in about Beloit.

Honestly, I don't "get" Beloit. It's a non-city in my mind. I like it anyway. Mostly because Hanson's gave me two cheeseburgers and two baskets of fries for the price of one. I love beef.

ACORN Causes Global Warming

ACORN's 500,000 member families are the principle cause of global climate change, ACORN confirmed in a written statement.

You read it here first. But I read it here first.

News in Review

Okay, so I need to get a life. Deal with it.


FoxNews.com: "N. Korea defies international criticism, launches rocket in what could be a step toward putting a nuclear warhead on missile capable of reaching Alaska."

But, why would anyone want to nuke Alaska? What's the point?

Obama's response: "We will immediately consult with our allies in the region, including Japan and (South Korea), and members of the U.N. Security Council to bring this matter before the Council. I urge North Korea to abide fully by the resolutions of the U.N. Security Council and to refrain from further provocative actions."

Empty rhetoric hard at work. Gag me.


FoxNews.com: "Kate & Pam: Who's Pregnant?"

I'm not the father, right?


TheSun.co.uk: "A British school was blasted Friday after kids as young as 11 were told to shout obscenities during a lesson in swearing."

Okay, so, seriously, there's a journalist out there who can't find anything more important to report on?

What if Jesus had been...

In the Bible, Jesus says, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me" (Revelation 3:20).

What if Jesus had been a police officer?

"THIS IS JESUS! I HAVE A WARRANT! OPEN THE DOOR! NOW!"

What if Jesus had been a Jehovah's Witness?

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock, and knock, and knock. I am here every Saturday morning at 7:45 am. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will conduct awkward conversation and leave him with creepy literature."

What if Jesus had been a mechanic?

"Hey, I'm looking at your door, here, and it looks like your lock is about to break. We should fix that. I think it's because your hinges are sagging a little bit--we should probably fix those, too. While I'm at it, I'd like to check the wood of the door frame--it may be rotted behind those hinges..."

What if Jesus had been a poet?

Behold, I stand at the door and knock
Please, come and turn the lock.
We will have great conversation and more,
If you would only hear me and open the door.
I will come in, and we will have food,
Wine and unleavened bread will be very good.

Jesus, the Realtor:

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. This is a lovely home with great potential. If you'd like, I could run a market analysis and use my expert marketing skills to sell your property for top dollar! Together, I'm sure we can get you into the home of your dreams! Let me inside, and I can tell you more."

Jesus, the Monster Truck Announcer:

"BEHOLD! I stand at the door and knock Knock KNOCK! Salvation will bring you life eternal, but you'll only need SOME FAITH! Let me in Monday through Saturday, and come to my house on Sunday SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!"

Okay, this is getting too ridiculous, even for me. Do you have another Jesus persona to add?