Guide to Shipping Services

For the average consumer, the major difference between UPS and FedEx is the color of the truck.  Each offers a variety of service level options, against which the consumer may weigh the cost versus the time in transit to select the service level that best meets their needs.  However, I deal with these guys every day.  I like both companies, most of the time, but I think FedEx is a step ahead.  Here's an example of why.

Today, UPS released the following zip codes as being affected by severe weather, and will not honor any delivery guarantees to these locations:

North Carolina
28701- 28909

Tennessee
37601 - 37699

Virginia
20101 - 20198
20598
22003 - 24658
24201 - 24377

Delaware
19701 - 19980

Maryland
20588
20601 - 21930

District of Columbia
20001 - 20098
20201 - 20586
20590 - 20597
20599
56901 - 56972

West Virginia
25401 - 25446

New Jersey
08701 - 08831

Pennsylvania
18901 - 19496

FedEx reported none, and apparently intends to deliver their packages on time, without using the weather as an excuse.  Especially this time of year, when everyone is sending packages that need to be there for Christmas, a weather delay that moves your delivery from Christmas Eve to Monday, December 28th is kind of significant.  That being said, UPS Ground is more reliable than FedEx Ground to begin with.  So, here's the breakdown:

Best: FedEx Express services
2nd: Any UPS service
3rd: FedEx Ground
4th: Spee-Dee Delivery (regional carrier) or pigeon (if available)
5th: United States Postal Service
6th: Experimental attempts using telekinesis, transporter beams, or magic.
7th: Take it in the packing lot, crush it violently with a big hammer, and forget about it.
8th: Same as #7, but then put $40 through your paper shredder.
9th: DHL

Addendum:
My FedEx sales rep, Larry French (the greatest sales rep ever) pointed out that FedEx Ground delivers to something like 36.5% of domestic addresses a day faster than UPS Ground.  (I am not sure if that was his exact stat.)  Therefore, you could make a very good argument that FedEx Ground should come ahead of UPS Ground.  If you include that, we would divide UPS express services from their ground service, and put FedEx Ground in between.  My personal experience, however, tells me that UPS Ground is superior in meeting their delivery commitments for residential deliveries, thus my rankings above.  :)

No Questions Asked

"The agreement was that they could fire me or I could quit with no questions asked if things didn't work out during the first few months. Sure enough, things didn't work out, and they fired me, no questions asked."

- Bill Watterson

Reindeer Food 2009

Every year, Bree and I make reindeer food.  On Christmas Eve, we scatter it on the lawn before we go to bed.  The reindeer will be sure to stop at your place when they see the delicious treat you have made for them!  Santa will go ahead and deliver your gifts while the reindeer munch.  There is no specific recipe for reindeer food, but we always try to make something tasty and nutritious for our reindeer friends.

Here's the 2009 recipe:

1 crushed candy cane
2 scoops oats
3/4 chopped carrot
2 scoops cracked corn
2 spoons of sugar
1 spoon flour

This is the first year the recipe hasn't included magic glitter--I heard they're trying to cut back on witchcraft at the North Pole.

I've blogged once in 3 1/2 weeks, and this is the most important thing I had to say.

Tiger

Amidst the wild allegations and speculations regarding Tiger Woods, many are questioning his integrity.  Is this really a surprise to you people?  Let me fill you in on a little secret.  Anyone with a billion dollars gets laid any time and every time they want.  Yes, I know Tiger is married.  I also know that his wife is from Sweden and goes there frequently.  Studies have shown us that athletes are the most sexually aggressive people out there.  Did you seriously think that Tiger works on his swing eighteen hours a day when his wife was away?  Of course he wasn't.

Amidst the wild allegations and speculations regarding Tiger Woods, no one is questioning the integrity of his wife.  News reports say that the couple is renegotiating its prenuptial agreement, and that Elin Nordegren will gain a seven-figure amount for staying with the golfer, even more if she stays for seven years.  This reminds me of a little joke:

A man approaches a woman at a hotel bar.  He tells her, "I'm a hugely successful businessman, but I'm terribly lonely tonight.  I will pay you a million dollars if you come to my room and have sex with me now."  The woman agrees.  Once in the elevator, the man says, "Actually, I have no money at all.  Will you still have sex with me?"

The woman is furious.  "No.  What do you take me for!?"

"We've already established what you are.  Now we're negotiating price."

I'm not saying Elin should or should not stay with Tiger.  I'm just saying, we have descriptive terms for people who mate for money.

Oh, and by the way,  I'm pretty sure Elin understands, and has always understood the billionaires-always-gets-laid principle.  I refuse to believe that she didn't know this crap was going on, nor do I believe that she didn't expect it from the day they took their vows.

Rarrr.