Sharing the Gospel

I have spent a lot of time in the church, and I have spent a lot of time doing churchy things.  I understand theology.  I understand how the church operates.  I still have no idea how to share the gospel.

People have told me that sharing the gospel is as easy as having a conversation with someone about whether they know what will happen to them if they die.  They say that knowing you're going to heaven is as simple as "ABC" - Admit that you are a sinner, Believe that Jesus died for you and in his power to cleanse you of your sins, and Confess Jesus Christ is the Lord of your life.  Maybe that works for the people you are talking to, but in my experience that doesn't fly.

Here's what I usually get.  As soon as the subject comes up, they'll say something totally loaded to me, such as, "I don't understand how you Christians believe that some cosmic Jewish zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree."

How do you respond to that?  No, really, what do you actually say to that person?  Don't know?  I didn't either.