You Know the President Sucks When...

People actually pay--in the middle of the worst recession most of us have seen in our lives--to put up a billboard like this.

I love America.

300

Okay, I am officially a loser.  Check this out. 

 

I have a good game about once a month, I guess.

Happiness

Happiness is really bad for one's blogging.

When you're mad at the world, you have plenty to blog about.  Blog about how terrible the government is.  Blog about how stupid everyone around you is.  Blog about how stupid the government is.  Blog about what you had for dinner, the people at work, the injustice you were dealt at the McDonald's drive-thru (that's pretty self-inflicted).  Blog about the corrupt government.  Did I mention complaining about the government?  When you're angry, you have something to say--and you're desperate for anyone to hear it.

When you're happy, there's not that much to say.  My cousin's wife titled her blog "I thank my Jesus for the daisies and the roses" and she has two blog entries for the entire year of 2009.  She's been blogging since 2004, and the most she's blogged in a year has been 52 entries (2007).  I published more entries than that in September.  I'm very happy for her--but it's not the greatest blog ever.  :)  I only mention it because I am becoming more like her.  I'm just too happy to blog like I have in the past.

What am I so happy about?  Giving up.

I gave up on trying to find new music that I like.  I've been listening exclusively to the same two artists (a grand total of four albums) for a month now.  The repetition should be driving me nuts, but these are the songs I really really love.

I gave up on girls.  Sorry ladies, but you take too much energy.  I guess I've been on one too many terrible dates and had one too many commitaphobia attacks.  I finally accepted that single life is okay, and it turns out that I actually enjoy it.  It's not like I am against relationships--I'm just leaving all my give-a-crap at home.

I gave up on the career ladder.  Sure, I would like to make more money--who wouldn't?  But that's just it.  Nobody thinks they have enough money.  There's only one conclusion: it's not about money.  I'm broke, you're broke, everybody's broke.  Yet, somehow, we all have enough money for all the stupid crap that we think we "need."  It turns out, I love my job.  I'm incredibly good at it--just ask one of my customers.  The company's ethos is such that we actually treat one another like human beings.  This translates into a ridiculous amount of flexibility and consideration: we're people first, employees second.  You can't buy that.

I gave up on trying to fit some monstrosity of social expectations.  I know in my head that at my age I'm supposed to have a wife, two kids (a boy and a girl), drive a Ford Enormous, live in a sparkling boring house in a picture-perfect "Desperate Housewives"-type neighborhood with a bunch of dim-witted neighbors with a well-behaved dog and a scarcely-seen cat.  I'm supposed to go to the barber once a month, church once a week, and the gym once a day.  I should be counting calories and balancing my checkbook.  Screw it.  It's not that I wasn't dealt that hand; I'm not even playing with that deck of cards. 

I gave up on keeping up with you.  Your house is nicer than mine.  You have more things than me.  Your job is better than mine, your spouse is smarter, your dog is better-trained, your car is newer, your food is tastier.  You have a better physique, brighter future, better hair, and straighter teeth.  I'm totally good with that.

Regardless of how picture-perfect or completely discombobulated my life looks or feels, at the end of it I'm not taking any of this stuff with me.  When this thing is done, how was it?  Did I leave the planet better off than I found it?  Did I simply profess faith in love and joy from God, or did I actually experience it and share it?  Did I enjoy the journey, or did I just put on the cruise control and daydream of the destination?

I'm pretty sure life isn't a competition.  Just in case it is...I'm winning.

Bad Address

At work, I keep getting mail for a person who is not here.  The mail is addressed to 5411 E 8th St., Rockford, IL 61108.  We are at 5411 East State Street, but they give us this mail addressed to 8th Street because, well, 8th Street goes north and south, not east and west and 8th sounds kind of like State and that's the best the post office can manage.

Perry Memorial Hospital sent an item to this individual at the address described above.  So, I did what I am supposed to do.  I marked it "Return to Sender" and sent it back.

Well, it came back.  The bad address is circled.  "Return to Sender" is crossed off.  It is stamped "URGENT."

I don't know what a normal person would do, but here's what I am going to do.  I am going to stamp it "Return to Sender" again.  Then, below where it says "URGENT" I am going to write, "If this is urgent, you should probably get a correct address.  Good luck."

Bucket List 2010

After taking time to look back at 2009, I feel compelled to consider the future as well.  I haven't updated the bucket list since last May--this seems like a good time to look at it again.  Here's what I've got:

• Adopt a child.  I may not be the greatest parent in the world, but God knows I try and that's more than what a lot of kids get. 
  
• Buy or build a house (for me) with an indoor pool
• Convert the PT Cruiser into an electric vehicle
  
• Pee on the continental divide
  
• Pilot an airplane
• Ride my bike to Belgium
  
• Skydive
• Successfully pull off a caper.
• Take a honeymoon in the Virgin Islands. Oh, the irony.
  
• Trick someone into taking me to a five-star restaurant.
  
• Visit (or return to) these fine places (or, if I have already, one more time): Australia, Canada, Columbia, England, Fiji, Norway, and every state in the United States.  While I am touring the U.S., I want to be sure to see Disneyland, Disney World, the Grand Canyon, Jackson Hole, Las Vegas, Metropolis, Illinois, San Diego Zoo, Wayne's Drive-In, and Yellowstone National Park.
• Whitewater Rafting - At any class, but at some point at least Class 4!
• Write the book (or two?)
  

These items were on the list, but now I'm not so sure:

• Buy a place in Muskegon, Michigan
  
• Make out with Keira Knightley

Completed:

• Run ten miles. This is a horrible goal. I do not recommend it.
• Visiting Illinois & Wisconsin.

That's not a lot.  I'd better get crackin.

By the way, if you think I should visit your town, be sure to drop me a line and tell me why! (Also, let me know if I can sleep on your couch!)

(It's not a whole lot different than the last Bucket List.)

Best of 2009

It's peer pressure.  Several of the blogs that I follow have taken some time to reflect on 2009.  Top ten lists, a top five list, and other comments reflecting on the year have surfaced.  My mom asked me why, and so I told her: all the other kids are doing it.  But before we start, let's clear one thing up: my choices are probably not the same as yours would have been.  Feel free to comment to set me straight. 

So here it is.  The top ten blog entries for 2009:

10. Who Are You?
 9. Best and Worst
 8. Would You Be Mad?
 7. Tips For a Happy Life
 6. Non-Traditional Families
 5. Sequels We Need
 4. Ugly
 3. Running Madison
 2. New Mike

And my favorite post of 2009 is...

 1. Approval

I've also compiled a list of honorable mentions.  You might actually like these better:

Easily Confused
The Moment of Truth
I'm Mad at You, America
Have You Ever...
115 percent
The <3 Mike <3 Tattoo
UPS Watch: Day 23
Lovely Graffiti
Relationships are like...

I don't know.  I like a lot of them.  I guess that's why I write them.

Guide to Shipping Services

For the average consumer, the major difference between UPS and FedEx is the color of the truck.  Each offers a variety of service level options, against which the consumer may weigh the cost versus the time in transit to select the service level that best meets their needs.  However, I deal with these guys every day.  I like both companies, most of the time, but I think FedEx is a step ahead.  Here's an example of why.

Today, UPS released the following zip codes as being affected by severe weather, and will not honor any delivery guarantees to these locations:

North Carolina
28701- 28909

Tennessee
37601 - 37699

Virginia
20101 - 20198
20598
22003 - 24658
24201 - 24377

Delaware
19701 - 19980

Maryland
20588
20601 - 21930

District of Columbia
20001 - 20098
20201 - 20586
20590 - 20597
20599
56901 - 56972

West Virginia
25401 - 25446

New Jersey
08701 - 08831

Pennsylvania
18901 - 19496

FedEx reported none, and apparently intends to deliver their packages on time, without using the weather as an excuse.  Especially this time of year, when everyone is sending packages that need to be there for Christmas, a weather delay that moves your delivery from Christmas Eve to Monday, December 28th is kind of significant.  That being said, UPS Ground is more reliable than FedEx Ground to begin with.  So, here's the breakdown:

Best: FedEx Express services
2nd: Any UPS service
3rd: FedEx Ground
4th: Spee-Dee Delivery (regional carrier) or pigeon (if available)
5th: United States Postal Service
6th: Experimental attempts using telekinesis, transporter beams, or magic.
7th: Take it in the packing lot, crush it violently with a big hammer, and forget about it.
8th: Same as #7, but then put $40 through your paper shredder.
9th: DHL

Addendum:
My FedEx sales rep, Larry French (the greatest sales rep ever) pointed out that FedEx Ground delivers to something like 36.5% of domestic addresses a day faster than UPS Ground.  (I am not sure if that was his exact stat.)  Therefore, you could make a very good argument that FedEx Ground should come ahead of UPS Ground.  If you include that, we would divide UPS express services from their ground service, and put FedEx Ground in between.  My personal experience, however, tells me that UPS Ground is superior in meeting their delivery commitments for residential deliveries, thus my rankings above.  :)